observation about longing for comfort

The thing is, I've never felt anything like that before, never felt something for a person, I was always attached to an idea of something that will make me feel safe, The crushing or even falling in love with someone is way beyond my understanding, I never spent time with a certain person just to feel safe or loved or cared for or even special in their presence, I always dreamed about that feeling, and how it would look like, and even created my original comfort character as an attempt of trying to find my type to date, it seemed unhealthy but it really isn't.

I have created him because I felt lonely in that sense, I craved intimacy, but without romance, I crave platonic affection that won't last for a short time, I crave cuddles and to be cradled just because I wish to feel safe, protected, special and cared for, I wished to know that feeling but I did it wrong, because people who are able to feel romantic feelings do not just... create their whole ideal person in their head.

They just go on with their life, find a person and spend time with them and always wish to be there for them because that person gives them such comfort and safety, For they have romantic feelings for them, and they want to sacrifice for them. And that's the difference, I don't want to sacrifice, I just crave affection.

4/1/2025