a real person in my life

Honestly, I want to talk about that guy. Sorry, but the way he makes me feel seen—sigh. I'm so desperate for a simple presence in my life. Oh my god, I need to stop. Man, I feel longing for a presence that makes me feel seen and warm. Sigh. Man, you know what I am about to say: I need a presence like his in my life, but I don't want to be obsessed with the idea of him in my head, but at the same time, I know that he has flaws too, but I also believe he is capable of change, for he told me he had bad personality problems in his past, and now that he turned to God—sigh, man. I HATE THIS FEELING. When his friend called him to hang out when we were together today. The way he told me, "You don't want to be there; he'll probably get here with his car and drive us somewhere. Please go home." In that moment I felt sad that it ended and glad that I spent time with him and surprised by his kindness. Those emotions swirled in my heart so swiftly and intensely in that one specific moment. Oh my god, from that moment I realized it was probably his friend from his "bad past," and he does not connect his past with his friends; he did not change his group of people; he just changed himself and expanded his friendships. That's what I learned about him. I just wish he opened up to me more. He feels too closed off because I feel so bad opening up to him all the time. I just wish I had spent more time with him since we only met twice alone (technically 5 times, but the first three times were with my friends), and when we were supposed to have alone time, we were limited to only 1 or 3 hours because he had to meet his friends. I don't know; he's just a really comforting person. I would never think he'd be a bad and uncomfortable person to be around, but I guess he was... and it makes me think about what things he had to go through. I just don't want to let myself dream about him; I know I am under impression, but I also don't need to idolize him or something. I want to meet him again and ask him to meet near his home since my grandma lives around that area too, and I want to let him talk about himself more. I want to make him feel comfortable and safe too.

3/1/2025