I do not long for the person

This is some kind of vent/confession I wished to make since I've realized this and It's important.

I do not long for the person, I long for comfort.

Now, why would I even say that? I do not know the real reason behind the fact that I only long for comfort, but I know that it is the main reason why I love winter, why I prefer to sleep with blanket, why I prefer to stay in etc...

And i'm serious. I wish for that constant comfort and complete safety, I cope in every single damn way to get it, and I have really bad habits because of it, it makes me feel like I don't even deserve it in the first place, it simply makes me feel selfish and ungrateful for everything I already have.

I'm ashamed of this text, I'm deeply ashamed.

I wish that there is a person who is real and there, sitting next to me, loving me and showing me the love. And I wish I could long for that person instead, and not for comfort. I wish I could pour all my love on them, to make them feel special.

I wish I could make them feel free to open up to me. I wish I could help them and give them comfort, I wish to care for them both emotionally and physically. I wish I could live with them, make them feel less alone. I simply wish I could love someone for being them.

8/2024