I want to endure

I wish not to answer the wicked sneers. I want to recover from my impulses and love myself with a pure love, not a proud one. I want to accept myself as I am, to be happy with what I have and to appreciate the little things. I want to be productive and let my hobbies distract me from the dirty thoughts that the wicked put into my head. I want to feel like I'm not alone and to know that the Lord Jesus Christ the Son of God is right next to me and He's listening to me cry. I want to find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone, not in a simple hug or cuddle. Although I would greatly appreciate it. I want to fast, on water, on oil, I want to feed on bread and wine. I want to overcome overeating and hunger and thirst. I want to go to the church, to the monastery, to the liturgy, to the glory. I want to spend time with other Christians. I want to have God's ears and eyes by my side. I want to show my love for God and continue to repent of my sins and work on them.

I will always try to repent of my sins, because I am a sinner. But I believe that God will help me, because I know how much He loves us. And His mercy is endless. I will always know that He is by my side and that He listens to me and watches me cry, like a baby. I believe He is telling me not to worry, but I still worry about sinning again. I want to be with Him forever and never betray Him, because He loves us infinitely and purely. I love Him.

30/10/2024

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